ME

I ruin every chance i get. Sleeping with every guy i meet in a club is not the smart way to go.

Why can’t someone just care for once?

You are coming back. I finally got over you and now you decide to be a part of my life again.
What are you doing here anyways? The only person you know in this town is me and I am sure you could get a job closer to your father. I just really, really hope for a goodbye without all the heartache all over again. I don’t think i could take that.

I think I really need to talk to someone about this.

Whatever I put into my mouth makes me feel guilty. Everything is just so hard if you have this constant battle in your head. All I want is to be free.

I would like to know that I am no longed alone in this world.

I should have known. I should have known ever since we met.

When I asked you if you talked over everything that happend between you and your ex I never expected to hear what you told me. Things went so well, you don’t know where they are going to lead. Well, thanks for letting me know, at least you’re honest.
I said that you two should be happy. It’s a good thing. But really, I was sitting in class, staring at my phone and all I wanted to do was to burst out in tears. You were just using me for all this time.
I realised it before but in that very moment it hit me hard. You never cared, not even a bit.
On saturday you asked if I was in town. No questions about the whole thing with your ex than?

I am starting to really lose trust in myself. I will never be good enough for anyone. Maybe if I was smaller, prettier, funnier or smarter someone would care.

I should never get attached to anyone. You dont care, it obvious. Zou said you need to sort things out with your ex. After seeing me four times. Seriously??? Why cant things just work out for me once??

As walked down these street, it felt like forever ago as i called them home. Its all still so very familiar but i have grown old. Never have i felt so old.
Let them be mine again soon.

When we met i knew that you are different. I wont lie, we both were pretty drunk.
We slept together and i left your friends house without saying goodbye. I just didnt want to wake you up. There was a feeling i had that leaving without giving us a chance would be a big regret for me. So i stuck a little note with my number inside your coatpocket. Never really expecting a call. But my phone buzzed a few days later. It was you asking if we could meet up again. We did.
You just wanted sex, it was obvious when you were all disapointed as i told you that the monthly friend was here.
Anyways, we talked all evening, or better said i talked. I wasnt sure if this was leading anywhere.
But we met up again last saturday. Sex again. But you seemed happy to see me. We talked, danced, laughed about our silly friends not have the courage to dance together and you really took care about me. It felt great. So we went to your place. On the train you still covered me with sweet little kisses and told me fuuny things.
You started talking about how it was unbelievable that im still single and what a faithfull boyfriend you would be. Knowing you, im not sure how serious that was. Though i secretly wish it be.
We talked a bit in bed and finally fell asleep. Once morning came i left again. Not leaving a trace this time.
All i could think about was you. Maybe i am putting too much thought in to this. Maybe i should just ask you out for a drink. See if you are interessted. But you never text or call, it always me, it makes me feel somewhat stalkerish eventhough you text back seconds after receving my message, you might be waiting for me. So why dont you make a first step?